The Unicorn

Written by Ed Desimone (Left)

A recurring dream sometimes haunts my nights. While deep in sleep, I find myself walking through something akin to Harry Potter’s Forbidden Forest. I try to move as stealthily as possible, hoping not to attract any attention from giant pissed-off spiders or centaurs with attitudes. Then I see it ahead of me, glimmering in its own silvery ethereal luminescence, a horse-like creature with a curled horn protruding from its forehead. As soundless as a panther about to strike its prey, I move up close enough to touch, reach out my hand, and millimeters from his fur, in a poof, it vanishes, leaving only dazzling ether where he just stood. The elusive damn unicorn!

Just like in my dreams, we Adventure-type riders are always in search of our version of the mythical unicorn: that one bike that will fulfill all our needs and desires! The bike that does everything just right! It needs gobs of power, doesn’t weigh much, is comfortable to ride, and can take us anywhere we want to point the front wheel with minimal effort. Yup, a unicorn.

For me, my unicorn search normally starts early in January. The holidays with all their rush and bluster are over, and my 2019 Africa Twin DCT has been snoozing on its trickle charger for a few weeks, while Ohio turns into the North Pole. Now my thoughts begin sifting through the plethora of new bikes vying to replace the old Twinski. YouTube blabbers all start proclaiming the latest and greatest offerings that will bring me to off-road nirvana. Add to that, each year also brings me one year closer to severe geezerhood, where the aches and pains of my aging body scream for attention.

Because I am an old fart, I do have the advantage of being around long enough to see emerging patterns. For instance, every year or so, some new bike bubbles up to the top of the print and talking heads as THE bike to buy! I remember when my beloved Twinski held that position; everyone wanted one. Then, for a while, the Yamaha Tenere 700 was the cat’s ass. Dealers couldn’t keep them in stock, and riders lined up to buy them. How about the vaunted Tourag? I think that lasted for at least one summer season. Now it’s some Chinese makes that are the talk of the town, Ibex this, and CF Moto that. I gave up even caring anymore.

This year, being the beginning of the second half of my sixth decade circling the sun, the thought of muscling my 500-plus-pound Twinski off-road again put me in search of the unicorn. Maybe the Honda 300 Rally, with its light weight and reliability. I even considered the vaunted Tenere 700, seeing that Yamaha is offering rebates since the market has moved on. What about the new slew of 450 offerings? Nah. I’ll tell you why:

The 80/20 Rule:

The “80/20 rule” states that you should buy the bike that will perform the best on 80% of the riding you normally do. In my case, I am an Adventure Touring rider; I like loading my bike up with camping gear and heading off to rallies far and near. To me, getting there is just as rewarding as being there! I will take off-the-beaten paths and find tucked away places to wild camp while preparing all my own food. Waking up next to my bike, and then sipping hot tea as the sun rises, is my version of heaven!

For instance, last summer my son on his BMW GS1150, and myself on my Twinki, rode off to Colorado to attend the “Top of the Rockies BMW Rally,” and then on to Arches National Park in Utah. We put about 5000 miles on in two weeks, and a good portion of the ride (80%) was tarmac and the rest was riding some mountain passes off-road. Both bikes worked flawlessly for what we did. Sure, we had to skip some gnarly stuff because even though we could have pushed it a bit, the fact that we were 1500 miles from home tempered our risk tolerance.

So with that in mind, would I really want to ride a small single cylinder 300 or 450 twin on long adventure trips? Not really, so hence the Twinski is still sucking tender juice in my garage for another season of Foolishness and pranks.

Likewise, you need to assess what you ride 80% of the time. A lot of you lean way more towards trail riding and trailer your bikes places. That’s your thing, and there is nothing wrong with that. A small dual sport or converted-to-road dirt bike is closer to what you need, and will provide you with the most enjoyment. Sure, some guys get a kick out of taking behemoths to psycho places, so as they say, “you do you.”

Therefore, my dream of the elusive unicorn remains. Like I’ve said so many times, “If my Twinski weighed 300 pounds, it would be the perfect unicorn bike!” But as my dear old departed dad used to tell me, “Son, if your sister had balls, she’d be your brother.” Even so, I’ll keep searching for the elusive unicorn!

Epilogue by Kane Wagner of Appalachian ADV:

If you have been to one of our events over the last couple few years you have probably run into Ed. He has been a pillar of the Appalachian ADV Community and one of our biggest supporters. Ed has led rides for us at all of our rallies, has led the bypass group and run sweep for our PA Wilds Tour, has written about Fools Ride for BMW Riders Association’s On The Level magazine, and his lovely wife Crissy has helped our Base Camp Crew a handful of times. I met Ed at our first official Fools Ride in 2021 and we became quick friends... Air Force Vets and ADV as the ingredients in an Appalachian ADV friendship.

Storytime with Ed around the campfire…

Base Camp Crew at the 2026 PA Wilds Tour (Left to Right): Brad McFadden, Wifey Wags, Son Dawson, Mama Wags, & Crissy Desimone